For the love of God, please stop!

After a recent entry on sequels I'd like to see, I realized that there are probably just as many sequels I don't want to see. So, in typical year-end fashion, I've complied another list.

10. Animated Sequels. Disney and Pixar can make as many animated movies as they want, but please, stop after first one. Did we really need 3 Ice Age movies?
9. Meet the Parents. I really liked the original movie a long, long time ago. It was funny and sweet and proved that a PG-13 rated comedy could actually be funny. But then the filmmakers crapped out Meet the Fockers and I didn't crack a smile once. Well, OK, the part where Dustin Hoffman lays down in front of the RV had me laughing, but the baby learning sign language did not! And since Little Fockers has been announced, I am ready to not laugh once again.
8. Resident Evil. I'm still pissed that one of the best video games ever made, and one that could have been an amazing film adaptation, was fumbled by hackmaster Paul WS Anderson (Aliens vs. Predator). Very little of what made the games such a creepy (and fun) experience was brought to the screen. And for some reason, 3 sequels were made to the original movie, each diverting further and further from the video game. It was at one time rumored that Anderson was going to direct the forthcoming Castlevania movie, but thankfully, he left the project.
7. Harry Potter. I know, they are based on the books (can't remember how many there actually are), but when is it going to end for good? Maybe I will sit down and watch them all one long weekend, but until then, I'll just laugh when I think about the "Harry Twatter" joke from 40 Year-Old Virgin.
6. Fast and the Furious. This franchise has always been geared toward the texting-while-driving crowd and maybe that explains why the scripts to these movies felt like they were typed on someone's cell phone. What could have been a fun dumb movie was just dumb, and then they churned out 3 sequels, each with varying cast members returning but the end result always being the same -- a movie that made you feel like you were stuck in traffic.
5. Ocean's [insert number here]. The first one was fun but overhyped, the second one completely sucked, and I couldn't finish the third one out of boredom, even while being trapped on an airplane. The thrill of seeing all those big actors on the screen together wore thin half way through Ocean's Eleven.
4. Saw. I'll just say this. Whoever walked out of Saw 5 and said to their friend, "I can't wait for Saw 6" should be kidnapped and put into one of those torture devices from the movies. If ever there is a film franchise that represents the downfall of America, it's the Saw movies. Oh and any film franchise that has a movie come out a year apart - instant suckage.
3. Shrek. If ever there was a movie that was old after its first entry, it's Shrek. I mean, I get it, Eddie Murphy is a talking donkey. Hil-arious. Whereas Michael Myers was once one of my favorite comedic actors, now I just wonder what the hell he is thinking half the time and The Love Guru proves my point. At least he had the good sense to do a cameo for Inglourious Basterds.
2. Pirates of the Caribbean. Ah, 2003. Everyone and their mother was in love with Johnny Depp after seeing this movie. Except me. I thought it was good enough, but didn't understand in insane hype-machine surrounding it. The second one, I felt, was the best of them all, despite it being really long and confusing at times, and the third one just seemed to throw everything at the wall in hopes a few story lines would stick. Rumor is that a fourth movie is in the works. Let's hope that it never sees the light of day.
1. Transformers. OK, the first one was a big dumb movie with cool enough special effects and Megan Fox to keep you from noticing that the plot was completely insane. Plus, for someone like me, it was a way to relive your childhood a bit, since I grew up watching, and playing with, Transformers. But the limited goodwill of the first movie was completely railroaded by the idiotic and bloated sequel. Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen proved that special effects aren't very special without a good story line to tie them together, and at over two and a half hours long, the movie felt like it would never, ever, end. Not only do I hope that they never make another Transformers movie (fat chance) it was so bad I hope that Michael Bay never makes another movie (another fat chance).

Top 10 Shows of 2000's

10. The Office, NBC. The Office is one of those shows that I just want to watch each week. Some shows are a chore, but with this, I know that I am going to either: A) Laugh or B) Be made to feel uncomfortable a couple of times during each episode. Yes, some of the episodes feel flat or are too crazy for my liking, but on the whole, The Office is one of the most consistent shows on TV as far as entertainment value is concerned. I might be labeled a blaspheme for saying this, but it's waaaaaaay better than the British version too.
9. How I Met Your Mother, CBS. Remember when NBC was busy racing around trying to find the next Friends? Remember Coupling? Well, if ever there is a show that is the next Friends, it's How I Met Your Mother. What makes HIMYM so great is its total lack of regard for the standard sitcom formula. Sure, there is a laugh track, but HIMYM is actually funny minute to minute. The jokes aren't rationed out per episode and telegraphed from a mile away like most sitcoms. Also, the plot is actually linear throughout the show's history, instead of being self-contained in each episode. And Neil Patrick Harris as Barney? Legend...wait for it...ary.
8. Big Love, HBO. Aside from too much "Paxton ass" in its first season, Big Love is a drama that would feel at home on any of the major networks. There is not much language, little violence and the family, while polygamists, are a good portrait of a troubled, but loving, modern American family. And that is essentially what Big Love is, a family drama. HBO has a way of raising your expectations for shows, and for good reason, but with Big Love, its important to appreciate it for what it is, not what it isn't.
7. Alias, ABC. JJ Abrams left a big mark on TV in the 2000's, and while Felicity was the show where he found his footing, Alias was the show where it all took off. At its core, Alias was Felicity with spies and it also foreshadowed the kind of mystery that Abrams and Co. would later employ in Lost. Like 24, Alias trailed off quickly after its first 3 seasons, but those first 3 seasons...wow.
6. 24, FOX. If ever there was a show living off its previous glory, it's 24. What has become a tired show, recycling previous plots and characters several times over, 24 was once one of the most gripping shows on TV. It still has its moments, but for me, the first 3 seasons of 24 will go down as some of the best in TV history. And given its now-mediocre existence, Keifer Sutherland's Jack Bauer is still reason enough to tune in each week.
5. The Shield, FX. The Shield proved that cable could do TV just as good, and as racy as HBO. Despite its somewhat tedious first 2 seasons, The Shield grew into a show where every action had a reaction, as Michael Chiklis' corrupt cop, Vic Mackey, dealt with the consequences of something he did in the show's pilot -- all the way to the series finale. Whereas most TV shows have plots which are self-contained within a single episode or season, The Shield carried out one linear plot for its entire run.
4. Rome, HBO. Rome lived a short life on HBO. What was originally to be a mini-series became a 2-season show, which is now rumored to be continued again as a theatrical movie. We can only hope to see Kevin McKidd and Ray Stevenson on screen together again as the troubled widower Lucius Vorenus and the violent but loyal Titus Pullo.
3. Friday Night Lights, NBC. Shows based on movies rarely ever work. Anyone remember the TV show version Ferris Bueller's Day Off? I do. FNL is true to the film in that it tells raw stories about people who happen to be related to the town's high-school football team in one way or another, but that's it. There are no other comparisons to be made. FNL works because its largely improvised, which elicits realistic performances from its actors, and the writing is not content to spin generic TV drama yarns about characters getting pregnant or coming back from the dead. It's about real people. Good people. FNL doesn't need villains.
2. Lost, ABC. It's really unfair to Lost that The Wire existed in the same decade, because put simply, Lost is the greatest network show ever created. It transformed the serial and then turned it on its ear. Has a show ever been as rich in detail as this? I mean, Lost has its own wiki-page -- and it's about as vast as Wikipedia! At times the show can be frustrating, but as we've recently seen, it does intend to answer most of the questions it has asked over the course of its run.
1. The Wire, HBO. What else can I say about a show that has been hailed as the best TV show ever?

Contenders: Big Brother, The Contender, Damages, Gossip Girl, Tell Me You Love Me, True Blood.

Note: Shows such as The Sopranos, which started in the 90's didn't qualify.

Top 10 Movies of 2000's

10. Master and Commander: The Far Side of the World (2003). Peter Wier authentically takes us back to the early 1800's in a film that balances swashbuckling action with fascinating takes on sciences and philosophy. Russell Crowe and Paul Bettany are excellent foils, and surprisingly, the fireworks come more from their clashes on war and science than the action itself.
9. Lord of the Rings: The Followship of the Ring (2001). The odyssey begins in an epic fashion. We're introduced to the characters we'll follow for the next 2 movies, and thankfully, FOTR does more than just set-up those next 2 films, like most introductory movies in a trilogy tend to do. Put simply, FOTR made the year-long wait between LOTR movies almost unbearable. That's how good it was.
8. Black Hawk Down (2001). Ridley Scott turned in the most accurate portrayal of modern war in this adaptation of the book, based on the 1993 incident in Mogadishu, Somalia. At times its exhausting, and confusing, since most of the cast looks similar in their buzzcuts and fatigues, but it all lends itself to the cluster-fuck that is modern warfare.
7. Brokeback Mountain (2005). Yeah, I did it. I've included "that gay cowboy movie" on this list. You know why? It deserves to be here. At times it's shocking, especially for heterosexual males, but before long, it becomes a tragic love story. It could really be about any couple, gay or straight, and that's credit to director Ang Lee, who doesn't hover on the gay subject matter. Instead, he makes the film more about forbidden love and loss. It also doesn't hurt to watch as Heath Ledger transforms from teen heartthrob to brilliant character actor right before our eyes.
6. Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon (2000). Director Ang Lee showed stubborn American audiences what they were missing by ignoring foreign-made movies. CT,HD contains some of the most beautifully filmed and choreographed action scenes of all time.
5. Gladiator (2000). Ridley Scott and Russell Crowe relaunched the epic sword-and-sandal genre with much success. The fact that scenes from Gladiator are played at football stadiums across America is proof that the movie struck a chord, especially with men. The underdog Maximus is one of the most iconic characters of the decade, and Jaoquin Phoenix's douche bag villain, Commodus, is a worthy foil to Crowe's tragic hero.
4. The Assassination of Jesse James by the Coward Robert Ford (2007). Brad Pitt turns in his most impressive acting job to date, and Casey Affleck proves he's the Affleck sibling with all the talent in director Andrew Dominik's epic bio-pic about the outlaw Jesse James. Dominik's straight-forward directing style gives the film and its characters a timeless feel, and the dialog, also written by Dominik, is flawless and authentic.
3. There Will Be Blood (2007). Paul Thomas Anderson's complex character study of selfish oil tycoon Daniel Plainview elicited the best performace of the 2000's (Daniel Day-Lewis). The soundtrack, by Radiohead guitarist Jonny Greenwood, is the film's other equally as impressive highlight.
2. Kill Bill, Vol. 1 (2004). Kill Bill, much LOTR is one big movie. However, Quentin Tarantino wisely decided to split the film in two, right when the tone shifted from epic Kung-Fu flick to Spaghetti Western. The second half of the film is slower-paced than the first, and somewhat anti-climactic, but the first-half is action packed and features one of the best action sequences ever captured on film (House of Blue Leaves). I didn't think QT had it in him to do action like this. I was wrong.
1. Lord of the Rings: Return of the King (2003). Peter Jackson's trilogy reaches its high-point in the epic finale. The Oscars waited for this film to be released to bestow it with Best Picture, and deservedly so. The trilogy was made all at once and are essentially different chapters in the same movie. In an era of bloated special effect-laden films, Jackson remembered that humanity is more important than "wow", and it's the biggest reason why ROTK is the best film of the decade.

Contenders: The Departed, Inglourious Basterds, Kill Bill Vol. 2, Memento, No Country for Old Men, Zodiac.

Top 10 Albums of 2000's

10. Stars, Set Yourself on Fire. Sometimes Stars can be too "cute". But on this album, they resist the urge to be too cutesy and offer up some great though-provoking songs, such as the excellent album opener, "Your Ex-Lover is Dead". The album was eventually covered by several Canadian indie-artists on Do You Trust Your Friends?, thus sealing its legacy as one of the decade's best albums. And after hearing some of the odd interpretations of songs from the album, it makes you appreciate the original album even more.
9. Pete Yorn, Musicforthemorningafter. In a decade that produced dozens of "singer songwriter" douchebags (John Mayer, Jason Mraz), Yorn set himself apart by writing vague lyrics that demanded repeat listens as opposed to the "I got it the first time" songs written by the aforementioned asshats.
8. Radiohead, Kid A. Looking around a lot of "best of 2000's lists", I am finding that Kid A is often ranked at #1. I can see why. Radiohead transformed themselves on this album, after they had transformed themselves on 1997's OK Computer (the best album of that decade), and still managed to sell a shitload of albums while doing it. Kid A not only challenged listeners, it baffled them, which is why I often put Kid A back on the shelf and listened to Computer or The Bends instead. But after years of wearing me down, Kid A has won me over. Songs like "The National Anthem", "How to Disappear Completely", "Optimistic", and "Motion Picture Soundtrack" are some of the best songs the band has ever written. You just won't hear me rave about "Treefingers".
7. Ours, Distorted Lullabies. Ours' frontman, Jimmy Gnecco, has repeatedly been compared to the late Jeff Buckley, and it's as apt a comparison as it is tiresome. Look up any article on the band and you're bound to see the comparison made in the first paragraph. But once you get past the haunting similarities in both singers' voices, you'll find that Ours is more of a Cure-meets-U2-meets-Radiohead blend of melancholy lyrics that somehow uplift instead of depress.
6. Neko Case, Fox Confessor Brings the Flood. Case doesn't sing songs, she tells stories, and there is no better example of this than the album's first two tracks, "Margaret vs Pauline" and what is perhaps the best song of the decade, "Star Witness". Case's voice is haunting, and so are her lyrics.
5. Wolf Parade, Apologies to the Queen Mary. Dan Boeckner and Spencer Krug hand the mic off to one another on the band's debut, but eerily their voices and lyrics start to blend together over the course of the album as they sing about cities, whales, wedding cakes, fathers, sons and ghosts. It might just be the most challenging album of the 2000's to get into (it took me a couple of years to break through and appreciate the album), but it's also perhaps the decade's most rewarding.
4. Radiohead, In Rainbows. Radiohead returned to glory with this 2007 album, which they released on their own, on a "pay what you want" format. In Rainbows is also a return to an easier Radiohead sound, hearkening back to earlier albums such as The Bends or OK Computer. Whereas Kid A challenges the listener's patience at times, In Rainbows does nothing but satisfy.
3. The Strokes, Is This It. The Strokes brought in the aughts with a much hyped debut album that resurrected post-punk-garage-rock with some pop thrown in for good measure. It was such a good album, that it inspired dozens of bands to adopt similar band names (The Shins, The Stills, The Sounds, etc...) and even rip off some of The Strokes' now-identifiable sound. Is This It is probably the album that best captured the sound of indie rock the 00's.
2. The Walkmen, You & Me. I was torn on this one, but ironically, I was always going to choose from two different Walkmen albums, the other being 2004's Bows + Arrows. Whereas that album has about 5 of the best songs the band has ever recorded on it, it also suffers from some lazy throwaway tracks. That's not the case on You & Me. Every song is a masterpiece, from "Donde Esta La Playa" to the album closer, "If Only it Were True".
1. Arcade Fire, Funeral. This album still gives me goosebumps, right from the first note of "Neighborhood #1 (Tunnels). Arcade Fire runs the gamut of emotions from loss (hence the album name), sadness, nostalgia, love, and finally, optimism. In a decade of great albums, Funeral is the one I go back to the most, and I'm blown away each time I revisit it.

Contenders: The National, Boxer; Arcade Fire, Neon Bible; Camera Obscura, My Maudlin Career; Bloc Party, Silent Alarm; Radiohead, Hail to the Thief.

Sequelitis

Kill me, I love sequels. I get a kick out of going back to a world I loved the first or second time around.

Now, I'm not usually into the massive Hollywood sequel machine. I wasn't clamoring for Transformers 2. But I like sequels if for no other reason than to go back to the warm and fuzzy place I was when I watched the original.

And I may be in the minority, but I don't believe that sequels somehow tarnish the movies before it. If anything, I think as the sequels progressively get worse, as is mostly the case, it makes the original that much better by comparison.

So, here is my list of sequels I'd like to see get made.



10. The Exorcist 4. I know. All the sequels since the original have sucked. Actually, Part III wasn't too bad despite a weird dream sequence featuring Patrick Ewing. Anyway, even though most the other sequels and both prequels to the film buried the franchise in crap, I'd still like to see another installment get made. Return the series to Georgetown, bring back Linda Blair, and treat the film as seriously as William Friedkin treated the original. Probability Factor: 4. Both prequels are infamous for losing money for the studio, but with many horror franchises getting the reboot treatment these days, there's always hope that the pea soup will fly once again.



9. Cliffhanger 2. I'll admit, I'm a Sylvester Stallone apologist. I've always liked him even when he was making crap like Get Carter and Eye See You. So I'd be up for seeing another installment of one of Stallone's better action movies, which was released right before his career went into the tank. And hey, if Stallone can resurrect Rocky and Rambo and have those movies not suck, then I'd be willing to watch him bring this back too. Probability Factor: 5. There were rumors floating around the internet in the late 90's about a sequel entitled, The Dam, but nothing ever came of it. Based on Stallone's recent career resurgence, he might blow the dust off that script and put it into quick turnaround.



8. Dumb and Dumber 2. Forget the "prequel" ever happened. Re-teaming Jim Carrey and Jeff Daniels for a sequel and getting the Farrelly Bros. to direct is the only way another Dumb and Dumber movie can ever be made. And based on their respective slacking careers, everyone involved might be up for another go around. Probability Factor: 6. It wouldn't surprise me one bit to hear this sequel get announced tomorrow or in a couple of years.



7. Bram Stoker's Dracula: The Un-Dead. Stoker's descendant just published a squel to his great-granduncle's original book, and it's said to be more like The Da Vinci Code than the original novel. I don't care. Just get Francis Ford Coppola back in the director's chair, Wojciech Kilar back at the composer's stand, and Gary Oldman back in that awesome red robe! The 1992 Dracula film remains to this day my #1 guilty pleasure film of all time and I would love to see the same crew tackle the new Dracula book, which has already been optined for a movie. Probability Factor: 9. The movie is going to be made, but I seriously doubt whether any of the cast or crew from the 1992 film will sign up. That said, I am a big Dracula fan, so barring Uwe Boll becoming the director, I'll be there on opening night.



6. Gladiator 2. The original Gladiator was a financial and critical success. If it weren't for the pesky fact that Maximus (Russell Crowe) died at the end of the film, I bet that a second Gladiator would have been out years ago. Despite his character's death in the first film, Crowe and director Ridley Scott were so interested in making a sequel they went to singer/screenwriter Nick Cave (The Proposition) and asked him to write a script. Cave did and it's one of the most buzzed about scripts floating around the internet today. According to a lucky bastard who read it, Cave's script is both bizzare and fascinating, as the now-dead Maximus is rented out by the Roman gods to do their dirty work. This means being reincarnated, of course. The kicker is that toward the end of the film, Maximus is granted immortality on Earth (he really just wants to join his wife and child in the afterlife), and in a montage it's revealed that Maximus has lived on and fought in every war that has ever been waged since the fall of the Roman Empire. The closing shot is of Maximus looking at himself in a Pentagon bathroom mirror. Woah. Probability Factor: 2. Studios balked at the metaphysical mumbo-jumbo sprinkled throughout the script and Crowe and Scott moved on to other projects. It probably would have been made by now if it's ever gonna happen, and Crowe and Scott aren't getting any younger. Don't think about it for too long at the risk of feeling old, but it's almost been 10 years since the original Gladiator was released. That said, Cave's script has generated somewhat of a cult following on the internet, so there's a small chance that someone could shrug their shoulders one day and say "let's make this bloody movie!"



5. Halloween 9. I hated Rob Zombie's remake. I never saw his version of Halloween 2 and it sounds like the rumored Halloween 3-D is going to be another blatant money-grab. What I long to see is a return to the series' roots, which was about actually scaring the audience. Not beating them over the head with torture-porn or watered down origin stories (what the hell was all that Thorn shit anyway?), just a return to a well-made slasher film about a guy stalking teenagers on Halloween night in suburbia. When Quentin Tarantino was attached to Halloween 6 (yes, you read that right. Producer Moustapha Akkad said QT's version would be "too bloody" and then went with a version of Halloween 6 which featured a guy's head exploding), he said his vision for a sequel would be a lot like the beginning of Halloween II, when Michael Myers was trying to get out of Haddonfield. There is a lot of potential for good characters and stories in a voyeuristic Halloween sequel. I also envision a very DePalma-esque feel, too. Cameras moving through walls, long takes -- all the stuff that made the original movie one of the best horror movies ever made. Probability Factor: 6. Not counting Halloween 3-D, I'm betting there will be another sequel made to the franchise's original storyline. Finding someone who will treat it as something more than a stepping stone to a bigger career in movies is the challenge.



4. Terminator 5. I'll be the first to admit that Terminator Salvation was a very flawed film, which is why I want to see another sequel improve upon that film. Salvation's script went through several writers and versions and it feels like it when you watch the movie. But when I first saw it in theaters, it felt like there was a very good movie in there somewhere. It also begged for an Extended Cut with more exposition and character development. But still, what ended up on the screen wasn't all bad, and both Sam Worthington and Anton Yelchin kicked ass in their roles while Christian Bale was flat as John Conner. There are also so many directions the series can go in, and director McG has stated that he sees this as a new trilogy. The rights to the Terminator series are up for grabs as we speak, so it's likely that some studio will make a run at a fifth movie, which means that the return of McG, Bale or anyone else from Salvation is up in the air. But based on the troubling finished product that was Salvation, that may not be a bad thing. Probability Factor: 8. When the rights are purchased, the studio who ponied up the cash to buy it will likely put a sequel into quick turnaround to protect their investment.



3. The Little Lebowski. The Coen Bros. have never made a sequel, but if ever there was a Coen Bros. movie ripe for one, it's The Big Lebowski. I'd pay money to see Jeff Bridges and John Goodman read a telephone book as The Dude and Walter Sobchak, so it goes without saying that I'd love to see them deal with The Dude, Jr. in a potential sequel. Remember, Maude (Julianne Moore) wanted a baby, and she practically knew the Dude gave her one right after they finished having sex. Plus, seeing the return of Jesus (John Turturro, who has hinted that a sequel based on his character could be made) and the dozen other memorable characters from the film would be well worth it. Probability Factor: 5. If the Coen Bros. really, really want to please their fans, and make lots of money, they will return to the world of the tumbling tumbleweeds.



2. Star Wars - A Third Trilogy. What George Lucas says and what George Lucas does are usually two different things. He's said he'll never make another Star Wars trilogy, but everything he's doing (making a Star Wars live action TV show, countless Star Wars cartoons and releasing the films on Blu-Ray) points to a new trilogy happening at some point. And to tell the truth, Lucas can have as little involvement in a new trilogy as he wants. He wrote and directed all 3 of the latest films, and to be honest, they sucked when compared to the originals (Lucas only wrote and directed A New Hope). Lucas is a great idea guy, but should leave the details to someone else. I see Lucas doing just that if there is a new trilogy made at some point. Probability Factor: 7. Lucas can't let this franchise go and he shouldn't. It's what he's known for and the fans will always line up for more movies, and probably a couple years in advance.



1. The Godfather, Part IV. I know, I know. Part III was a mess and the Michael Corleone story was tied up into a nice bow back in 1990 when Part III was released in theaters. And when Mario Puzo died, Francis Ford Coppola swore off making another Godfather movie. (The two men were in the early stages of writing a script for a Part IV in the late 90's).

Even more difficult to get around -- any reoccurring characters featured in a potential sequel would either have to be recast due to the age of the actors playing them or lots and lots of age-reversing make-up would have to be used. But gosh darnit, I really want to go back to that world. I was 18 when I first saw these movies and they were instantly cemented into the #1 spot of my "Favorite Movies List". I also believe that there is an interesting story to be told post-Part III. When we left the Corleones, Vincent (Andy Garcia) was the Don of the family, and we all know what happened to the mob in the 80's -- it practically ceased to exist. So I'd like to see the final downfall of the Corleone family in the 80's while not treading into Goodfellas or The Sopranos territory. The Godfather movies have always had their own trademark stamp on them, and setting a sequel in the 80's would be risky. Probability Factor: 2. Unless FFC's wineries go bankrupt again, he won't return to the director's chair without Puzo and it's unlikely any new director worth their salt picks up the reigns. That said, when asked about another Godfather sequel, FFC grinned and said he'd never say "never" to anything. But this sequel remains the most unlikely of this list. And probably for good reason.




So there you have it. What sequels would you love to see get made?

The House of the Devil

I've always been a sucker for horror movies from the 1970's.

The Exorcist, The Omen, Halloween...

Each of those movies had something that's usually missing in modern-horror films: tension and atmosphere.

So when a modern horror movie is actually able to hearken back to those better times, I make it a point to check it out.

Such was the case with The House of the Devil, which aired on HDNet Movies last Wednesday night before getting a very limited release in theaters this weekend.

The House of the Devil was made by Ti West, a low-budget director (The Trigger Man, Cabin Fever 2) who obviously feels the same way I do about horror movies. There must be loads tension and atmosphere, and West gives us just that during the first hour of his film. He also sets the film in the early 80's, a time when horror movies just felt smarter and people were less connected. IE, no cell phones.

The plot is simple and doesn't try to be original. A girl named Samantha (Jocelin Donahue, a dead ringer for Kate Bosworth), who needs money to move out of her shitty dorm and into an apartment, responds to an ad for a babysitter. But the job turns out to be something totally different than she originally thought. Turns out the Ulmans (Tom Noonan & Mary Woronov with their creep-o-meter jacked up) don't have a child, at least not one who needs babysitting. Instead, they want Samantha to watch over his mother.

Samantha almost leaves when she's thrown the curveball, but the Ulmans raise the rate, and money-hungry Samantha can't resist. "I'll basically get $400 for just watching TV", she tells her friend, Megan (Greta Gerwig), who's given her a ride to the house. After all, mother is said to be sleeping.

But is mother really sleeping? Is there even a mother at all? And is it a coincidence that all this is happening during a lunar eclipse?

Sounds like it could be the plot of any horror movie from the last 30 years, right?

But the difference with The House of the Devil is the execution. Pretty much nothing happens during the film's first hour. OK, something shocking does happen about twenty minutes in, and it's enough to keep us glued to the screen for the remainder of the slow build-up. And thankfully, Donahue is appealing enough to keep us entertained as she huffs her way through the house with boredom and then starts to get creeped out the longer she's in the house.

But other than one good shock and a slow middle portion, it's really just a set-up for the film's final twenty-five minutes.

And when those final twenty-five minutes arrive, you'll realize why the wait was worth it.

I also won't spoil any of the surprising details.

The House of the Devil transports viewers back to a simpler time when horror movies were smart and left the viewer on edge for long periods of time instead of trying to make them jump in their seats with loud noises and false alarms.

It might be a challenge to find the movie, but if you do, you can thank me later.

Baltimore deserves new arena -- and possibilities that come with it

It's not me, it's you.

I've been on a new arena kick lately, as the plans for a new Baltimore arena have been caught up in the red tape that seems to cover all of downtown.

The plans do seem to be moving along, albeit at a snail's pace, at least according to my old friend Chris Stoner's blog, Baltimore Sports & Life. But there's no denying that this new arena talk seems trapped in suspended animation.

I'm all for a 18-20K seat arena built at the current site of the First Mariner Arena. The light rail and metro subway already service the location and the proposed Red Line (I call it the Red Tape Line) would run close by.

And even though tearing down the First Mariner Arena would force out the arena's current tenants, most notably, the Baltimore Blast, I say it's high-time that Baltimore got a new arena. Besides, the Blast draw approximately 7K per game and the Towson Center at Towson University holds 5K. Cole Field House at the University of Maryland is currently sitting vacant and can accommodate many more fans.

The First Mariner Arena is 47 years old. It's a relic. Dozens of arenas across the country have been built and demolished during that time, and yet ours keeps chugging along, seemingly indestructible. It's actually still a profitable asset for the city, much in the way that an old car is still profitable for a driver. No car payments, great, but the gas mileage sucks.

The First Mariner Arena still attracts some decent concerts and other events. But it is what it is. A 11,000 seat dinosaur. With a stage.

A new arena would do so much more for the city, starting by helping revitalize the west side of downtown Baltimore. The Hippodrome remodeling project went a long way to restore the west side's past high-class heritage, but the sudden downturn in the economy froze the remainder of that urban renewal project.

That's where a new arena comes in. It gives local businesses a shot in the arm. It brings in people who spend money in a neighborhood that looks more like a ghost town than a downtown. It'll force crime out of the area with more police patrol and security guards. It'll attract more homeowners to the area.

And it'll do what a new arena does best -- bring more top-tier events to Baltimore.

NCAA Tournament games. Better concerts. And dare I say, it might even attract a troubled NBA or NHL team.

You say the NBA or NHL will never work in Baltimore? Well, I'm tired of Baltimore being told that they can't have this or that.

After the NFL went out of their way to deny Baltimore a football team throughout the 80's and 90's, I've become greedy when it comes to my city. We should have it all. A comprehensive mass-transit system, a state of the art arena, and NBA and a NHL team, if we want one.

Yeah, I said it.

Google "Baltimore NHL or NBA team" and listen to people say it won't work. That we're too close to Washington DC or Philadelphia.

Pfft.

They said the same thing when we were trying to bring an NFL team back to Baltimore. Yet the Ravens have sold out every single game since they moved into M&T Bank Stadium.

That's right. Every. Single. Game.

Even with the Redskins 40 miles down the road and the Eagles 90 miles to the north. Oh and with more Steeler fans in the area than imaginable. Even with all that going against her, Baltimore still supports her own.

And I believe she'd be able to support an NBA or NHL team without a problem.

Baltimore is the 20th biggest city and metro area in the United States. It's one of the most affluent metro areas in the country. It has some of the country's biggest employers located within or near its borders. Social Security Administration, Johns Hopkins University, T. Rowe Price.

Baltimore can support at least one more pro team, if not two. All it takes is a new arena.

Build a new arena and Baltimore instantly becomes a contender for relocation the next time a NHL team in Phoenix or Nashville or an NBA team in New Orleans or Memphis has trouble at the gate.

Like they say in the movies...If you build it they will come.

But even without a NHL or NBA team, a new arena still makes sense for the city.

I'm just tired of being told we can't have what we want...what we deserve.

And Baltimore deserves a new arena and the possibilities that come along with it.

Don't you agree?

Trick r Treat

I always wondered why there aren't more Halloween-themed horror movies.

One thing that I loved about the original Halloween was the idea that all of it was taking place on Halloween night. Trick or treaters were out on the street, parties were taking place all over town, and yet in the middle of all that commotion, someone was being stalked by a behemoth in a William Shatner mask.

But despite the built-in creepy factor of movies set during Halloween night, there aren't many movies that take place during the holiday. Most horror movies are set around generic teenage rituals like the prom, a random house party, a school event, or nothing in particular at all. Hell, even the lamer-with-each-installment Halloween sequels and remakes are released at the end of summer (!) instead of being released at uh...Halloween?

Thankfully, Michael Dougherty (Superman Returns, X-Men 2) understood the need for movies taking place on Halloween night and made Trick r Treat. But the road from production to release was not an easy one. Maybe studio heads have something against Halloween-set horror movies. Who knows?

Trick r Treat was filmed and completed way back in 2006 and was originally intended for an October 2007 release. For whatever reason, Warner Bros. pulled it from that release date, perhaps fearing the stranglehold that the Saw films had on October release dates. But then 2008 came and went and still no release date was announced.

Finally, Trick r Treat saw its release come in the form of direct-to-video earlier this fall, something that's usually foreshadows a movie's quality. Meaning, there is none.

But Trick r Treat could quite possibly be the best direct-to-video movie of all time. And it still baffles me how studio heads could let this film, with its Halloween antics, fall through the cracks without an October theatrical release.

The film is an anthology, much in the vein of the Creepshow movies, or Tales from the Crypt. There are several stories being told at once, and sometimes they cross paths. This just adds to the feeling that there is a lot going on this Halloween night.

I won't say too much about the plot of each story because they are best to be discovered on your own, and much of the fun is seeing where they bleed into one another and how a character from one story shows up in another. But I will say that each story hearkens back to the days of childhood, where a scary story could terrify you, and keep you wanting more, all at once.

As for Halloween as a holiday, Dougherty nails it. He litters each scene with creepy Halloween imagery, be it dozens of glowing Jack-O-Lanterns, fog, leaf blown streets, a party in the woods, or an abandoned rock quarry. The film just oozes Halloween at every turn.

Surprisingly, some familiar faces also show up in the film. Brian Cox (Troy, The Bourne Identity), Anna Paquin (True Blood) and Dylan Baker (Spider-Man 2) all have major roles. And for a movie that was kicked to the direct-to-video curb, the film looks great. At no point do you feel like you're watching a low-budget horror movie. This is the real deal, folks.

So, unless your reading comprehension is pre-school level, I absolutely loved Trick r Treat. It could quite possibly be the best Halloween movie of all time, behind the original Halloween, of course.

Did I really just buy that?

I finally bought a Blu-Ray DVD player recently, after waiting out the HD-DVD/Blu-Ray war. So this past weekend, I decided to buy a good BR disc, one that would show off my new 7.1 Dolby Digital set-up as well as display a razor sharp image.

And as fate would have it, Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen was just released on DVD. So I bought it, knowing ahead of time that it would be a big dumb movie with lots of special effects. I also enjoyed the first movie a little more than I should have, and also have it on DVD, so what the hell.

I turned down my IQ-o-meter before throwing the disc into my DVD player and sat back ready to be entertained for 147 minutes.

Wait, 147 minutes? Are you kidding me?

Sadly no. And that is Revenge of the Fallen's major flaw -- it's just too damn loaded with nothingness. Sitting through this movie was like going to McDonald's and forgoing a combo meal for five milkshakes. You'll feel bloated when it's all over and done with, but you won't have any pleasant memories of the experience, and you'll be hungry for some sustenance in no time.

But that's what Michael Bay is, right? A flashy director who does and says nothing with his movies? I enjoyed his Bad Boys films, The Rock, and I'll even admit that Pearl Harbor isn't as bad as people make it out to be.

But even Bay reached a new low with Revenge of the Fallen.

Whereas the original Transformers movie was in itself a very bloated movie, it at least told a simple story that was pretty easy to follow. At its heart, it was a movie about a teenager and his first car. Everyone can understand that, right?

Well, in this movie, Bay and the film's writers, Ehren Kruger, Roberto Orci, and Alex Kurtzman (look up those guys on IMDb and be amazed at the movies they've written that haven't sucked) decided to throw the "less is more" mantra out of the window at the outset of production.

Not only does Shia LeBeouf's Sam Witwicky go to college in this film, he deals with his long-distance relationship with Mikaela (Megan Fox), he meets a new girl who may not be human, meets his comedic "relief" roommate, deals with his parents' separation anxiety, gets implanted with random robot knowledge, gets transported to Egypt, dies, and comes back to life.

That also doesn't factor into lots of screen time for the various military characters who are all brought back, and about a dozen expository speeches about Transformer-lore complete with flashbacks. None of it, however, makes any sense.

Oh, and then there are a couple of action sequences where you can't figure out what the hell is happening.

But maybe that was my problem...that I went into this movie expecting to watch an actual movie. Maybe I should have just skipped from scene to scene, jacked up the volume, and been blown away by the movie's awesome technical specs, which is the only thing it has going for it.

The movie is filmed in 5.1 True HD Dolby Digital, and it sounds...well, there hasn't been a word invented yet to describe the sound. Even if the movie did suck ass, it was at least a good movie to introduce me to the world of Blue-Ray. The visuals are just as impressive, with certain scenes filmed in an IMAX-mode, which ditches the black bars at the top and bottom of the screen and the picture gets, believe it or not, sharper.

So all in all, I guess it gets balanced out. I will never watch Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen from start to finish ever again. But I will put it in my DVD player from time to time and get blown away by the crazy-good A/V specs.

Terminator Salvation

The Terminator series is near and dear to me since I grew up watching these films throughout my childhood. Terminator 2: Judgment Day was one of the first R-rated films my parents allowed me to watch. And the original film scared the crap out of me. Arnold’s T-101 killer just... wouldn’t... die.

In 2003 I welcomed Terminator 3: Rise of the Machines despite James Cameron being replaced by Breakdown and U-571 director Jonathan Mostow. And while T3 surely wasn’t up to par with the first two films, it was a worthy continuation of the series.

I watched all 3 films over the course of a few nights earlier this week in anticipation of Terminator Salvation being released this weekend, and what struck me was how well each film advanced the Terminator mythology.

The plot of T1 and T2 are well known. Terminators are sent back in time to wipe out either Sarah (Linda Hamilton) or John Connor (Edward Furlong). Connor, after all, will eventually become the leader of the resistance in the war against the machines. After T2, we assumed that Sarah and John were successful in defeating SkyNet and avoiding Judgment Day.

But then T3 came along and changed all the rules.

In T3, the major theme is that the future is set. There is fate, regardless of what we make, which is why the events in T2 only delayed Judgment Day from happening. In addition to T3 changing the rules, we also learn that John Connor (Nick Stahl) will be killed by a T-101 sometime in the future and that he will marry Kate Brewster (Claire Danes), a simple gal who is about to marry her fiancé.

So if the first two movies were about preventing the future, T3 and to a lesser extent, Salvation are about accepting fate.

Cameron’s first 2 films are classics. There is nothing to say that hasn’t already been said. They are some of the best sci-fi/action movies in the history of cinema. But if Salvation is to become a new trilogy, then T3 was the perfect bridge between the two sets of films. Most importantly, it’s fun. Sure it has its flaws, but what third entry in a franchise doesn’t?

Terminator Salvation picks up the action in 2018, 15 years after the events in T3. The resistance is up and running and John Connor (Christian Bale) has risen to the top of the pecking order with his knowledge of what’s to come.

However, the leader of the resistance, General Ashdowne (Michael Ironside) doesn’t believe in Connor. Instead, he believes the resistance has found a way to defeat SkyNet. Connor is on board with the plan until he meets up with Marcus Wright (Sam Worthington), a former death-row inmate who upon his execution in 2003, signs his body over to science. He wakes up in 2018 with no knowledge of Judgment Day or the resistance. But there is something different about Marcus. And he hasn’t aged a day since 2003.

Meanwhile, John’s father, Kyle Reese (Anton Yelchin), who is now just a teenager, is captured by SkyNet. And if Connor is to exist, he has to free Kyle so he can eventually be sent back in time to protect Sarah Connor, as well as impregnate her so John can be born. And as Sarah Connor says on one of John’s old cassette tapes, “you can go crazy thinking about this”. Such is the case with all time-travel scenarios.

So can Connor and Marcus work together to rescue Kyle and defeat SkyNet? I’m pretty sure you know the answer, but the fun is getting there anyway.

McG (Charlie’s Angels, We Are Marshall) takes over for Mostow behind the camera, and while he makes the action gritty and somewhat realistic, he can’t milk emotional performances from his actors, save Worthington and Yelchin.

Christian Bale’s Connor is somewhat flat, but Bale is quickly becoming a flat actor. Bryce Dallas Howard’s Kate Connor, not looking a day older than Claire Danes in T3 despite it being 15 years later, is basically a cameo performance. She holds her pregnant belly and opens her eyes wide a lot. The rest of the supporting cast (Common, Moon Bloodgood, Jadagrace) sometimes aggravate with their one-note performances, and are other times mediocre-at-best.

I don't know what to make of the script, originally written by T3 duo John Brancato and Michael Ferris. Early on, reports were that Marcus had a bigger part than Connor, which may explain why the script's original ending had Connor dying and Marcus remade in Connor's likeness to lead the resistance in the next 2 movies. Since then, the likes of Paul Haggis, Shawn Ryan and Jonathan Nolan polished the script even though Brancato and Ferris were credited in the film. The end result of the script is mostly just a few words here and there to advance the plot and fill in the audience with some back story.

But the biggest drawback of the film is the editing. Some scenes end abruptly. Characters appear in places without the audience knowing how they got there. And crucial plot points are glossed over quickly to get to the action sequences. It feels like there is a good chunk of footage missing, and all reports indicate that there will be 30-40 minutes of extra footage on the DVD release. So the jury’s still out on whether Salvation is just a moderately good Terminator movie, or a great Terminator movie.

Yes, it is good, despite the mid-30’s rating that it’s currently getting over on Rotten Tomatoes. It should please the hard-core Terminator fans that haven’t been scared away by the PG-13 rating or McG with several references to the older films. My favorites were the fuel cells from T3 and a fun placement of Guns N Roses’ “You Will Be Mine” late in the film.

It’s also important to keep in mind that Salvation is supposed to be the first film in a new trilogy. Because of that, the film should have felt more epic, as it set up the characters and situations to come over the next 2 films. Perhaps the extended version of the film on DVD will do that.

But it all depends on how Salvation will perform at the box office. It’s unlikely that the film will make back its whopping $200 Million budget in the theater alone, meaning that success on DVD is crucial. And if there is in deed an extra 30-40 minutes to be put back into the film, I think Salvation will do just fine on DVD.

I liken Terminator Salvation to Superman Returns. It’s a worthy addition to the franchise, but has its flaws. And because of these flaws, the future of Salvation is up in the air at this point. Bale has said he won’t make another Terminator film, meaning that the role will have to be recast yet again. But that’s not necessarily a bad thing either.

I personally hope there are 2 more movies. I hope that we get to see the future war evolve into the war we saw in Cameron’s films (laser guns and lots of human skulls!) and we see the series come full circle, with Kyle Reese sent back in time to protect Connor’s mother. And most importantly, I’d like to finally see the human resistance defeat SkyNet.

Only then will I feel like the Terminator series is finished. So until then I’ll keeping hoping that these movies “will be back”.